I’ll be honest, every time I go out on a new date or make new friends or meet new people, I am a nervous wreck. I worry that I am too much. I’m too much work, I have too much anxiety, I’m depressed too much, I take too many pictures, I scrapbook too much, I write too much, sometimes I talk too much, I love too much, I get over excited about people, animals, and many other things, I am too kind, I am too caring, and I can go on and on and on.
The one that has been getting me down for a few days is the fear that I’m too much work. I have anxiety. I have hang-ups, especially from a traumatic past. Sometimes you have to give me a lot of reassurance and I know that is a lot. I fear that I may never be loved because who wants someone who is too much work?
I’m thankful for Chris and Rasean and Tina and Brian. They reminded me that we are all a lot of work. Each and every one of us have hang-ups, baggage, hopes, dreams, and everything else. None of us are perfect. We also all get nervous on first dates or first times meeting friends or new people. That is normal.
Yeah, I may get over-excited, I may give my heart too much, I may take too many photos, I may scrapbook too much, or laugh too much, or I’m too empathic, but what may annoy some, others love that about me. I love that about me. I am enough.
One thought on “I am Enough”
Hi, Jessica Marie!
It’s a huge step in the right direction that you have come to this degree of self awareness, dear friend. Clearly, you already understand the manner in which you present yourself when you meet new people. The only question you need to answer is “are you satisfied with the results you are getting so far?” At my age, I have had plenty of time to reflect on the earlier stages of my life, and I guarantee that I was much the same as you. I had anxiety about meeting new people and compensated by drinking too much. As a result of doing that, I found plenty of bed partners, but very few satisfying relationships. I had a bad habit of getting ahead of myself, getting sky high on new people I met, getting my hopes up that every new person that came into my life was “the one.” Truth is, there isn’t only one. There are millions and millions, but we need to be willing to modify certain aspects of our personality to make the vast majority of people we meet feel at ease in our presence and want to spend time time getting to know us. I didn’t realize at the time that all I needed to do to have more success with people was to relax, dial it back, live in the moment, avoid being overly demonstrative, gushy and clingy. I noticed that people tended to withdraw from me when I came on too strong, said or wrote too much too soon or showered them with gifts. It made me seem desperate, and for that reason I was not as effective as wanted to be. A metaphor used in the NLP seminars goes something like this. Imagine that you are a performer or an entertainer on a stage, perhaps giving a TED Talk. You may choose to present yourself as you always have, the way you feel most comfortable, like “the real you,” but if there are aspects of your personality and your style of presentation that turn-off a sizeable segment of your audience, then you need to be willing to live with that or be willing to change what you are doing. You may choose to adopt a different strategy, a different approach, just once, just for a while, and see what happens. Try a more laid-back, casual approach, and see if you get a different result. You may find that it actually feels good to reinvent yourself just a little. It’s like when you slip into a brand new outfit for the first time. You feel like a million bucks. It’s worth a try. I know I would have been much more effective if I had laid off the booze and just let people experience the real me because, like you, I am enough.
Those are my thoughts on the subject, dear friend JM. Enjoy the rest of your week!