New Doo

Our Verizon fiOs box died yesterday and Verizon can’t come out until after the holiday. Since I was off from my full-time job for the holiday, I worked the morning at the library. I’m at the library now, online, so it’s going to be a photo entry of my new hair.

I went to a new salon yesterday – Tantra. Supercuts messed up my hair three months ago and I wanted something closer to home. Mary was my stylist and she did an amazing job. We really connected in those two hours.

After, I spent time with Tommy. Okay, maybe I’ll get into it. I rather do it in one entry anyway.

After I got done my hair appointment, I sent Tommy a selfie of my hair. He got up at 1:30 and said he was scared and depressed. I asked him if he wanted me to come over. He said, “yes.”

I texted him after I finished eating and told him I was on my way via Lyft. He couldn’t wait to see me. I was chatting with my Lyft driver and checking messages. He was excited and once I got there and knocked on the door, he sent me a text that he couldn’t hang out today. Waited for a bus and an older guy told me that the 107 doesn’t run on Sunday. He was going to show me where the other bus runs.

Our Verizon FiOs box died and I’m without internet (I’m at the library right now) and as I was talking to the guy about going into Philly, Tom messaged me. I then heard my name and my phone ring. It was Tom. Tom caught up to me and said, “if you don’t want to be with me, tell me.”

I said, “I do. I was respecting your wishes.”

“You intimidated me!” He accused me when we were walking back to his house.

“What? I wasn’t intimidating you. I was worried about you.” He handed me a Sunny D and looked at me when I said, “I care about you and when you are depressed, too scared to come out of your room, I want to be there for you.” His face softened and we went upstairs.

I saw his mom and said, “I’m sorry if I’m intruding.”

She was confused and said, “not at all! Welcome!”

Tommy led me into his bedroom, pulled back my newly done hair and said, “I’m sorry. Mom wanted me to wake up earlier and she got on my case about my room being a mess. Your hair looks great.”

“Thank you for coming after me.”

“You think I was just going to let you go back home?” He smiled and kissed me.

We talked some more and we both agreed, we need to pre plan 2 days in advance and if one of us feels blah, we can come over.

We cuddled and talked until we went to dinner. Tommy told me, “I’m so glad we can talk and work through things.”

“We are a team and I’m here for you.”

We both agreed with something I found online – {b}you’re mine, no refunds{/b}.

After dinner, Tommy and I went to Goodwill. He bought a Playstation 2 console, I bought a jar for when my rose is dried.

We then went back to his house and played Playstation for a few hours, then switched to Call of Duty for Xbox. We talked about military history and guns, something else we have in common. He said to me last night, “I’m so glad you came. You cheered me up.”

This morning he called me and I felt a little worried. We are good. He’s just a little overwhelmed. I told him I follow his lead and I follow his pace. He was relieved.

Part of my trauma is being too much, but I don’t think it’s all about me. I know Aspies need to process things and he’s probably anxious. As a friend was saying to me this morning:

Misinterpreting social cues that are natural to most of us, is rather typical of someone on the spectrum. So confusing to both of you, am guessing.

You sent
Yep. I learned this: sometimes when they get stressed, they take it out on someone else. His mom yelled at him before I came about his oversleeping and messiness.

Friend sent
I get it.

You sent
Friend, I’m glad he came after me and we did spend time together. I guess with my trauma, I’m so used to not being chased after.

Friend sent
So is he……he is not used to a girlfriend actually caring about him.

You sent
Yes. He told me that he’s not used to any of this.

Friend sent
He is most likely excited and scared and hopeful….just like anyone is in a new relationship.

I know sometimes I’m too much and I worried about what I did yesterday as being too much. However, it’s not always about me. He’s navigating his feelings too. Sometimes intense emotions overwhelm Aspies, but they overwhelm neurotypicals too.

My guess is, some of it probably anxiety about that. This isn’t my first rodeo with him, especially when it comes to him saying he wants to dial back. I follow his lead and it’ll be okay. The truth is, I’m just as nervous and excited as he is. We can do this together.

Published by


Creator of the Happiness Box Project Initiative, a project where you write your happiness or gratitude each day, then open the box in the New Year. The Initiative is to teach joy and gratitude, to pass it on to others.

2 thoughts on “New Doo”

  1. Hi, Jessica Marie!

    I like your new doo, dear friend, and the color suits your complexion. A man appreciates it when his sweetie gets gussied up. Clearly Tommy notices the little things and the big things you do to please him because he verbally acknowledges them. You are on the right track, so keep on doing what you are doing.

    The key part of this post, the two sentences that jumped out at me, was where you wrote: ” I told him I follow his lead and I follow his pace. He was relieved.” That’s the way to handle it, Jessica. Don’t assume anything. Don’t push and don’t pull. Give Tommy the space and time he needs to sort out his feelings. He’s dealing with a lot, as any man or woman would be in a new relationship. The first few months can be scary. Half the time you want to flee, and the other half of the time you want to rush into each other’s arms. Just let if unfold naturally and with no pressure or expectations on either side.

    Enjoy the rest of your week, dear friend JM!


  2. Hello, Jessica Marie! I stumbled across your happiness box project as I’m new to the blog world and I am just fascinated with how open you are about sharing every intimate detail of your life. It’s very inspiring to see someone as brave as you share your life with strangers. I hope to get to know you more and hopefully become friends!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s