Yom Kippur is tonight at sun down. While I can’t fast for the day, I will be instead cutting back on caffeine, sweets, and reading religious texts for the day. Yom Kippur is also the time of atonement and forgiveness.
Today is the one year anniversary since my last session at William Way and last year around this time, I was learning how to set boundaries. My Instagram’s archive feature reminded me of that. Today is also one year since I set boundaries with Savage and in the end felt good about avoiding a possible sticky situation.
In my entries from last year (https://thehappinessboxproject.com/2019/09/28/for-when-i-am-weak-then-i-am-strong/ and https://thehappinessboxproject.com/2019/09/26/thankful-thursday-26-september-2019/), drawing lines in the sand in regards to behaviour and being communicative about feelings prevents a lot of anger and heartache in the end. Usually, when we have a strong sense of boundaries, we don’t feel guilty about taking care of ourselves. If someone respects our boundaries, they will understand, because they have their own boundaries too. If someone can’t respect them or try to manipulate you out of the boundary settings, they have to go.
How do boundaries tie in with forgiveness? I realized a few weeks ago, as I issued some apologies to people, that when I had a weak sense of boundaries and was afraid to communicate my feelings, it led to a lot of resentments and hurt feelings. I’m still apologizing and forgiving for some of the arguments I started when I had a weak sense of boundaries. While having boundaries don’t make you immune from resentment and negative actions, I believe it happens a lot less than someone who has no sense of self.
I’m still learning how to set boundaries and it’s not always so black and white. I know things will depend on situations, but I know one thing for certain: I will not compromise my values. I have a strong sense of values and I don’t budge. I know this will be a lifelong process, just like forgiveness will be a lifelong process too.
One thought on “The Power of Boundaries and How Boundaries Can Lessen Hard Feelings”
Hi, Jessica Marie!
I hope your dogsitting is going well, dear friend. Thank you for explaining how you intend to celebrate Yom Kippur. I applaud you for being able to mark the one year anniversary of an unpleasant mini-chapter of your life (namely your encounters with Savage) with maturity and wisdom. I have learned that the more congruently you set boundaries, the less likely people are to violate them. People have radar for personal power and it backs them off. It is also mature of you to offer forgiveness to people who have used and violated you in one way or another and to realize that forgiveness is a lifelong process. Last but not least, it speaks well of you that you are making amends with people whose toes you might have stepped on in the past when your boundaries were less secure and you were struggling with anger and bitterness.
I wish you a peaceful and inspiring Yom Kippur, dear friend JM!