Being the Bigger Person : A Snapshot about Forgiveness

Since the Jewish high holidays are coming up, Rosh Hashana on Friday, which welcomes in the Jewish New Year. Next week is Yom Kippur, a day of atonement, where we work on forgiving others and ourselves. Since this time of year is the time for forgiveness, I’m going to focus on forgiveness over the next two weeks.

Please log onto your photo account before we delete it. CVS painstakingly sent that e-mail for the past month, which I disregarded until six hours before my account would be purged.

Fine… I thought and logged on. Woah, 29 September 2018. Is that Albert? It is Albert and there are the selfies from when we met at the Philadelphia Museum of Art on 28 September 2018.

He had a crush on me, big time. However, two weeks in, it wasn’t going so well. As an asexual young woman, I wasn’t feeling it and things got odd when he suggested some things that I wasn’t comfortable about. I mentioned I was involved in a crime and that’s why I felt weird. He wanted me to elaborate, but I wouldn’t. He said I was in a bad place… that might be too nice, but it didn’t end well and he blocked me.

24 August 2020. I decided to Google him and he now has an Instagram. I decided to follow him; he didn’t follow me back, but I noticed he was watching my stories.

Last week I decided to apologize. He responded, “No, I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

So, I was honest with him for once. “I want to be honest with you. I was assaulted 7 years ago and until last year, I was very afraid about being put into that situation again. I’ve been working on things and have been feeling more at peace. And I’ve been apologizing for my old behaviour.”

Albert: We should have went out more to get over it.

Me: Yeah. Ah well.

Albert: What have you been up to?

We chatted for an hour, and he stopped responding. That’s okay. I wanted to apologize for my behaviour and while I don’t think he understands totally, it was something. Maybe being honest with people about things is the best policy. Maybe hiding who I am just backfires. Why should I hide who I am and what I went through and the experiences that made me, well me? Of course, I would have to be comfortable enough with that person.

We chatted again over the weekend and once things get back to normal, he wants to meet for coffee. Why not? I have my boundaries, I made them clear, and sometimes forgiveness means being the bigger person by setting aside mistakes from the past.

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Creator of the Happiness Box Project Initiative, a project where you write your happiness or gratitude each day, then open the box in the New Year. The Initiative is to teach joy and gratitude, to pass it on to others.

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