Today is another hard anniversary – 6 years since the case was dropped and I felt even worse. I remember that Thursday vividly, I was coming home after getting the news and my case worker called, I didn’t answer the phone and I never returned the call. I was too shocked and angry. I was most likely wrong, but I can’t go back and honestly, I just didn’t want to deal with what I was feeling.
Next Sunday will be 6 years since I graduated from college and this time of year usually hits me hard. I love the winter, so it’s not the season, I lost so much in 2013. I wanted to move away to Detroit and I focused the job search there instead of here; I wasted so much time and when I couldn’t find anything full-time after two years, I had to take my current job. I feel stuck because as I try to get out of the field, I get some contacts within the appeals field and I have to tell them ‘no’, I’m looking for something to utilize my English degree. This area is mostly health and finance related, so I feel defeated every year around this time.
Anyway, I have been looking back on the positives from around that time. While many people walked out and blamed me, I had many supportive people. Before I graduated, two of my co-workers from my paid internship took me out to lunch on Friday, 13 December 2013 to celebrate me and my accomplishments. I felt loved and after things happened in November 2013, they both told me that I should have called them for help; I didn’t realize I had Caeli’s phone number; both Caeli and Brittany were supportive. Looking back, now that I am coming from a place of healing, I am grateful and I wish I could have expressed it more back then.
Caeli actually reached out to me yesterday. Ironically; I wonder if she remembered and it was her way of connecting. She requested me on LinkedIn, then recommended me for many skill sets. I sent her a message. I feel grateful.
I am grateful for my friends and family. Dad is friends with a soda distributor and he ordered me Faygo, charged dad only $12 and dad said I don’t have to worry about paying him back. I have a 12 case of 24 oz. orange Faygo and I’m grateful. I’m very grateful.
What are you thankful for?