Happy October! One of my co-workers surprised me on Monday, the last day of September, and I’m still over the moon about it. When she walked in, she said to me, “I remember you saying you love the one I have. I couldn’t find the exact saying, but I thought you would love this one. Enjoy!” I’m still so verklempt right now, this kind gesture made my morning. I am going to surprise her with a thank you card and maybe a goodie tomorrow morning.
Today hasn’t been a good day. I encountered Savage this morning, and me being me, asked if they were okay since he was rubbing his scratches. The response? “You’re talking to me now? It’s not right that you punked out on me when I was high and drunk. I was freaking out.” I was thinking that maybe he was right and before I got off of the train, I might have grinned a bit, but felt sad. I am an empath and this is difficult, even though what I’m doing is the right thing. Who said that setting boundaries is easy?
A few friends and the Lyft driver I had this afternoon all said, “stay away! Stay away! Your first impression was right and this is turning into a guilt trip. You don’t need that guilt trip to keep you trapped in an awful situation.” I’m thankful for these friends and the Lyft driver I had because they are right.
Mitch used to ask me, “so what? So what if someone gets mad? How does that affect you?” The truth is, it doesn’t. Savage’s situation can be best summed up as “not my monkeys, not my circus” and frankly, I don’t want to join this circus. I don’t even want to watch this circus. The way he was talking to me on Friday night scared me half to death. For my health and sanity, I can’t allow that in my life. They are not my monkeys and I am not going to train these monkeys. I have my own monkeys that I am focusing on.
Mom has been lecturing me about money again and how I should be saving, saving, saving. Well, I know how to budget and focusing only on debt pay off and saving without having fun or self-care doesn’t allow for a joyful life. One has to allow some fun and self-care into their budget. Doesn’t have to be expensive, but cheap and affordable fun.
I’m going to get a second tattoo on November 7th. I didn’t tell them I’m taking the day off from my full-time job and I’m not going to. As Kathleen and I were discussing, they don’t have to know everything I do. I dog sat, I will be cat sitting too and I have the cash for a tattoo. It won’t hurt my savings or bill paying. I also see it as a loving gesture to myself. Kathleen also thinks I worry too much and she’s right.
Mom and dad are heading to Delaware next week for their anniversary and while mom screams that she wants to move, it’s only when she drinks. Deep down, I think she is worried about dad retiring and I don’t think she wants to kick me out; she is most likely telling me to save because a life well lived is about saving too. What started this was Halloween. I’m going to be Pennywise, I’m going to make it cheap and it’s easy to make. Mom asked if I was going anywhere for it and I said for work. I’m also going to find a Halloween event, maybe. I’m going to the Juggalo Prom and we’ll see.
It’s about balance and it’s no fun being in a lot of debt. I also will help them when dad retires. I think once I get bills paid off, things will change. She is probably worried. I was asking myself those “so what?” questions that Mitch taught me and I came to the same conclusion – nothing will happen and she is probably worried, not because she’s going to kick me out, she isn’t, but she wants to make sure I am financially healthy. I am also her daughter and I know my parents worry, they are my parents, and that is a parents’ job, regardless of the child’s age.
I’m thankful for the life-changing lessons of therapy and while I worry about my parents and freak out at times about them, I am thankful for them. I think deep down they are grateful I am still here and what I just wrote is typical family things. Families are crazy, but deep down it’s all about love.
What are you thankful for today?
The Happiness Box Project 