Planets are truly in alignment because I’ve been on a roll this week by setting boundaries and telling people “no.” Boy, does it feel good.
So, I was thinking about “Savage” and I was telling Mitch about him. I had a change of heart on Sunday and I thought, “it’s really wrong to judge him like that. We can’t always judge a book by its cover because that’s not really fair.” I unblocked him and I had a few text messages from him, mainly telling me he wasn’t going to be on the train (on Friday) because he was helping his mom deliver food to homeless shelters. I was caught off guard – “Savage” could be a good soul? I replied and then I asked him if he had any food allergies; I made GF brownies and I gave him one on Monday.
I’ve set boundaries and told him some things he says to me won’t fly and I’ll be honest with you, being asexual, I’ve come from a place where people don’t understand, don’t respect my boundaries, and have made fun of me to manipulate me. So far, he has respected it, but I am on guard. I’m going to discuss this with Mitch, I think my reaction last week was in response to how others may respond, namely people close to me. I honestly don’t care what someone looks like, I care about their character. I was always like that and lately, I’ve been thinking back to when I was at my best and I look back to my childhood and even teenage years, before college.
I used to invite people to have lunch with me and I was once nicknamed “the welcome committee” because I always “friended” the new people. I look at old yearbooks and many wrote, “thanks for welcoming me and including me when no one else wanted to be my friend.” I’m verklempt as I read that. When I worked at the senior center, a member’s son wanted her to join to get socialization, but she was unsure. My boss at the time knew me since I was a child and knew my character, I was assigned as “welcome committee” and “friend.” Wouldn’t you know that I made the woman so comfortable that she joined and at every event, she would sit next to me and invite me into her life, as I invited her into mine? I went through a very traumatic experience and while I am cautious and guarded, I don’t want to lose my spirit. This is my spirit.
Anyway, I’m surprisingly feeling thankful that I changed my mind because as I mentioned to my co-worker friend, “I was wrong.” We actually have a lot in common. And I am drawing lines in the sand and I feel good about putting boundaries out there.
I’m thankful for my friends. I’m also thankful for my sweet parents and family. What are you thankful for?
The Happiness Box Project 
Hi, Jessica Marie!
It makes me happy to read how you are taking control of the situation in these various social settings. To me it makes sense to give people a chance, even a second chance, and give them the benefit of the doubt, all the while setting reasonable boundaries, adhering to them and remaining on guard in case people cross the line and try to use and manipulate you. That’s a healthy approach. I hope you go over these latest developments with Mitch, and I hope Savage turns out to be a good guy and a friend worth keeping.
You should be proud to be the kind of person who makes people feel safe and comfortable. It’s a gift. I am proud of you for being assertive when necessary to avoid becoming a doormat.
Enjoy the rest of your week, dear friend JM!
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