I have summer SAD and usually get very depressed as the temperatures climb, the days get longer, and I inch towards my birthday. Winter is the opposite and I come alive in the cold, dark days because I can catch up on sleep and enjoy outdoor festivities more so than in the summer. However, this year was an anomaly, or at least I hope it was: I felt depressed and anxious and angry this winter.
I’ll be turning 30 in four months and I’m anxious. There are days where I don’t feel like I have my life together and I want to accomplish things before I turn 35. I want to move to Canada and I get the maximum number of points as an individual under 34. I hate my full-time job, I don’t have a career and some days I feel like I will never get a job around here that will allow me to attempt Canada again and get invited to live in Canada again, also a profession that would guarantee permanent residency.
I’ve been all over the place of trying to find my what’s next. I don’t want to go into medical or insurance, I work in insurance now full-time and it’s not me. I’ve grown tired of people suggesting insurance places because that’s what matches my full-time experience, but I don’t want to continue doing things that make me unhappy. I’ve annoyed my friends and after some thinking, I really don’t know what my next will be. I guess I will have to try everything until something sticks. I have library experience, I have writing experience, tech experience, I have a lot of other experiences other than insurance. I don’t really want to teach English overseas, but honestly, I can’t knock out things if they will get me to point B.
I think successful people have more than plans A,B,C, I think they keep trying until something sticks. Also, patience is a virtue and sometimes time truly is the greatest gift. In due time, everything will make sense.
I’m going to continue to meditate, pray, and work on my Happiness Box. I can’t turn back the clock, but I can continue to keep present and focus on what I have in the here and now.